I’ve been thinking a lot about this since it was first announced. It hit home in a few ways.
First of all Chris is one of my favorite wrestlers. I say ‘is’ because this tragedy does not change that. I’ve always admired his technical style and no holds barred approach.
Secondly, as most of you know I work in psychology and quite often have to deal with kids with all manner of mental illness and retardation. This job is stressful enough for me- mentally, physically, emotionally- and these are not MY kids, MY relatives, or my FRIENDS’ relatives. I get to go home every night and escape that world for 16 hours each day.
Chris and many others across this world don’t- they live in that environment 24/7. Not only do they deal with it 24/7 but it’s their own flesh and blood. I am reminded of an old saying, “There but through the grace of God, go I.”
I just watched a clip of Linda McMahon on Good Morning America. She and many others did not know about Chris’ son’s condition. This brings up something that I have fumed over for years and years.
Just because someone is an entertainer or in the public eye, we DO NOT KNOW and we HAVE NO RIGHT TO KNOW every little detail about their lives. Think of how you would feel being hounded every day- what you eat, where you go, who your friends are, even down to what color your shit is. We’ve lost sight of this wonderful thing called PRIVACY. It seems to me that those who are the most fanatical of fans and run to pick up the latest gossip rags are also the type that go ape shit if family or friends spill any kind of minor detail about THEM. Sounds like hypocrisy to me.
He kept things private about his home life. There was a lot of tension. His wife filed for divorce (and I’ve seen this actually happen to a lot of the kids at work) at one point. She wanted him home more. But for a job that required constant travel he did what he could. In fact it was stated that he would fly all the way home just for a few hours just to be with his son– sounds like a loving, caring father to me. That’s more of a father than half the men in this world are.
NO ONE will ever know what happened- what tragic set of events, arguments, thoughts, or feelings resulted in the loss of three wonderful lives. All the media can do is make inferences- and ratings-grabbing inferences at that!! IMMEDIATELY they have to jump to steroids. I am SO sick of this. We get it already- Wrestling is not a “real” sport- it’s outcomes and stories are made up. It’s athletic component and much of the action is not. You go in a ring and see how fake it is when you’re slammed from 7 feet in the air at high speed. But I digress…
Why is it that the media in this country has to always focus on steroids? Wrestlers are not the only athletes that use them– ALL SPORTS HAVE, AND CONTINUE, TO USE AND ABUSE DRUGS- you’re media and you’re supposed to be UNBIASED.
I think another reason for this angle is because we as a society have to have something to blame for everything- something we can label and more easily make a target of- some external factor that we can say, “oh, see- drugs.”
When it comes to mental illness this society is still immature about its view- “crazy people and retards are bad” (negative, unfamiliar, [insert your own negative connotation here]).
As a society we are so afraid of our thoughts and feelings, how do we deal with the thoughts and feelings of others if we can’t even face our own.
He snapped, okay. The human heart can only take so much.
I am NOT condoning what he did. Never. But I can understand what he may have had going through his mind. I’m not going to sit here and make guesses- that would make me as hypocritical as those I mentioned earlier.
I will never know what went through his mind those final moments and i have to make peace with that. That’s what grief and loss is– learning how to accept the things you can not change and to go on living YOUR life. This process will be easier for me than for his family because i do not have the emotional connections that go along with it. My heart, my thoughts, ad my prayers go out to Chris and his family and friends right now.
I am left with a quote from Star Trek, when Tasha Yar died: “Death is that state in which we exist only in the memory of others. Because of this it is not an end. No goodbyes, just good memories.”
Thank you for the memories Chris Benoit- you will be missed. I hope you all find the peace you so desperately sought in this life.

© 2007 R. Wolf Baldassarro/Deep Forest Productions